I know that it's important for me to stop looking forward to things like graduation, and start living more in the moment - but I'm struggling with that right now. I can't wait to leave Va. There are things I'm going to miss, most importantly my girls and our weekly Shabbat dinners and even my jobs (yes I like going to work). But on the other hand, I can't wait to leave a place that held such opportunities for me four years ago, only to have those torn away by 'the man'. Somedays, walking around campus is a just a terrible reminder of what could have been. It's on those days that I really can't wait to leave here. I also feel like I am a healthier, happier person in NY. I've changed a lot in 4 years, and relationships with people here have changed so much - but the people I worried about losing when I left NY haven't gone anywhere. In fact it has brought us closer together and I love them for it. Maybe people thought I was crazy for giving up one weekend at college a month to trek home, but truth be told, those were some of the most fun weekends of college - crazy huh?
That's part of the reason I'm so excited for grad school(!) I'll be getting the quality broadcast journalism education that SMAD really couldn't offer, make new friends, and shake off the depression thats been my shadow for the last year and 1/2. I've been looking for assistantships to help defray the costs, but for the next two weeks I'm really going to need to focus on finishing up well here. My parents think they may know some people up on the hill who could help me, and for that I would be eternally grateful. I just can't comprehend being close to $50,000 in debt - I've never been in any kind of debt at all. I just feel like the debt would be a weight I will always have pressing on my chest, making it hard to breathe.
Anyone have any advice for dealing with debt? Is it as bad as I think it's going to be?